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I’m going to California

Daddy,

It’s been so long since we traveled together. The last time you and I shared the open road was in May 2008. It will not be an easy trip, daddy, because you won’t be there to be my navigator, albeit always a sleeping navigator.

We will be going to the Grand Canyon, also, daddy. If not for you, I would not have even cared enough to brave the elements with this delicate integumentary system you gifted me. It was our nights watching the stars that make me yearn for nature, even when I’m allergic to most all that isn’t me (and even then I could swear I cause myself allergic reactions).

I will be going to Hoover Dam, which I know I could have learned about from you, your extensive reading and curiosity having probed beyond the  pamphlet teaser. I will have to probe on my own this time, daddy.

But don’t worry, daddy. You’ve imbued my life with sufficient love of learning and active thinking that you WILL be there with me. I owe you much of what my life has become and though I will miss you eternally, I will honor your wishes and accept the cycle of life with gratitude for having had you in my life for as long as I did.

I’ve you, daddy. I always will. And with every other path I walk upon, your love and spirit will be by my side. In California, I will look to the stars and moon, from a different city, and remember our countless nights watching the night sky. You will be there with me, for you are always in my heart.

Your daughter,

La Despeinada

This Sunday is my birthday, daddy. Remember?

Dear Daddy,

Always, at the promise of another fruitless and boring two months, we would all ring in the new summer with the utmost joy. It was cantaloupes and fresh watermelons dripping all over our clothes, windows rolled down as we blasted down the road on our way to Mexico, and countless time spent with you in the car while you transported us to worlds magical and far away. Summer was a promise of spending it with you, and my birthday was always my countdown marker.

Now, as I watch the days approaching the dreaded date, I think of you yet again and miss you, again. It was a lifetime I spent with you. Even after I married, I refused to leave Houston so as to be with you all. And now, as life makes us older and we are weathered and beaten down, I think of you and how great it was to have you in my life. I miss you. God has been too good to me. For all your faults and weaknesses and sins (yes, I omitted the comma on purpose), I was blessed to have had you and learned from you. You were a wad of wisdom and full of unconditional love for me. I will never know  another man who could love me that way, but you have filled me with love for myself and belief that God is great. Ironic, daddy, don’t you think? Especially since you wanted zero to do with religion.

Here I am, on the brink of another year gone by, and I’m missing you fiercely. You did what you set out to do, daddy. You were always there for us, and I will love you until my death for that. I carry you with me wherever I go.

In my life, you are a hero. Flaws and all, I love you all the same. I leave you with this prayer that one day you and I be reunited. And, when I see you again, in Paradise, God willing, we simply pick up where we left off. You and I, holding hands as we take a stroll and count our many blessings.

I yearn to see your beautiful eyes again, daddy, and to feel your loving embrace. Happy birthday to me, daddy, for the memories you gave me. I will forever be a daddy’s girl.

Your daughter,

Gaby, La despeinada

El Dia de las Madres

Daddy,

Ayer fue Dia de las Madres, en EEUU, y tu nos hiciste falta. El ver triste a mi madre, y sola porque Adriana esta en el hospital, fue una pena grandisima. Yo se que Dios quizo que tu ya no estuvieras, y que tu tiempo aqui con nosotros ya se habia terminado, pero ha sido una pena muy grande el no estar contigo. El no poder ver tus ojos o tomar tu mano me ha pesado en lo mas profundo de mi alma. Cuando volvere a tener ese amor incondicional, el que me mira con ojos de amor puro y ternura de un amor eterno, como el que me tenias? Nunca, papito, solo que sea mi madre.

Te extrano muchisimo y me duele cada dia que paso sin ti. Pasamos tantos anos juntos y vivimos tantas experiencias juntos que me parece una eternidad cada dia sin ti. Pero mi fe en Dios me mantiene fuerte, Daddy. Aunque nunca te gusto el que fuera “religiosa” te digo que ha sido esa fe en Dios que me ha sostenido. Si no por eso, estaria aun peor.

Ayer fue el Dia de las Madres, Daddy, y nos hiciste mucha falta. Ya casi van dos anos sin ti y la verdad es que diera hasta el mundo por estar contigo otra vez. Pero no puede ser, mas que en espiritu. Te adoro papito, aun mas ahora que tengo que mantenerme fuerte sin ti. Tu fuiste mi primer guia en este mundo, a lado de mi mama, y ahora que me faltas, me quedan las memorias de todo lo que me ensenaste. Te lo agradezco aun.

Bueno papito, termino esta carta y te digo que te adoro. Te extrano. Te agradezco todo lo que fuiste en mi vida y en muchas cosas solo por ti he alcanzado lo que hoy podido. Te adoro.

 

Gaby

Do you remember?

Do you remember, Daddy, when you and I would sit on top of the car and look at the stars?

I do remember.

Do you know that I am fascinated by the night sky because of that?

I do.

Do you realize that you were a huge influence in my life?

I realize.

I miss you, Daddy, but I honor you in my life with my life choices.

That’s what life is, choices.

I love you, Daddy. I miss you.

Gaby, life is a cycle. Don’t spend so much time mourning. Celebrate your loved ones in life. Gaby, you need to be a good person.

I will miss you, Daddy.

I will miss you too, Gaby.